The Fighting Wife Episode Within This Post:
Not many of us here would dispute this obvious truth.
When I write, I do not write from a place of perfection. As Paul said in 1 Timothy 1:15, Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. I have not reached perfection as a wife and I know I never will. With that being said, I have to be honest and say that I have struggled with God as creator, and myself as the creation. Like—really struggled! When I write, I don’t want to only write from a place of teaching but a place of vulnerability and searching for truth myself. Believe me Wife, I am searching. I always will be. I write now in hopes that perhaps my searching for truth can be an invitation or inspiration for you to search for truth as well. There is strength in numbers (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10), and iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). I have found myself lately getting mad at God for the way He has created and set up His blueprint for marriage. How dare I? He is God and I am woman, fashioned by His hand with a specifically designed and perfect purpose. But I am so flawed and am fully aware of it. I am not going to pretend for a moment that I hate the way it is at times. If we are honest though, questioning such a system is to say that it isn’t perfect. Don’t get me wrong, God is not intimidated when we search for deeper truth. But I have to confess that I have been standing in judgement of God and His ways. I have been grieved in my spirit that I lack the understanding to let go and let God have his way in my marriage through the role He has given me. So this is me putting an end to not only my judgement of God, but maybe yours as well! As with anything when it comes to our faith, when we search for God to find His answers, we need to seek Him. Jeremiah 29:13 says, we will find him when we search for him with all of our hearts. We need to search for Him, yes, but we need to do that searching with not part, but ALL of our being. We can’t fake it here, Ladies! God knows when we’re partially in. It isn’t hard to find truth these days. Society, many Christian circles included, cherry-pick truth to accept the one that fits and hurts the least. God’s truth though, often hurts and is rejected by many. T he pain can actually be an indicator that we’re onto something good but as the latter part of Jeremiah 6:16 says, many of us have said we will not walk in it (referring to the good, ancient path that guarantees rest for our souls). Many refuse the longterm peace because of the immediate pain the process demands beforehand It is as if we know it will be hard, and we say no before we even consider starting. I guess it is at least a good thing that we don’t lie when we say we will not walk in it (God’s ways). But the byproduct of not walking in God’s ways is not finding peace inside the walls of our marriage. The fighting will ensue and God will use it to draw us unto Himself. That is what He did in the very beginning parts of my story that you can read in my book, The Quarreling Wife. I am after TRUTH. What does God say? Not the truth that tickles my ears but the truth that I know will hurt and guarantee to set free. For when we know the truth, it shall set us free (John 8:32). We want to be free FOR REAL don’t we? We don’t want fake freedom that will only last for a time. At least I don’t. To be 100% honest, I need God’s chastisement in this area. I know that I am the creation, but I NEED TO KNOW what the creator says about me. I need to know because if and when I really begin understand His authority over me, I can be cut down to size and know in my deepest-man that kingdom ways within marriage were specifically designed by a Holy and perfect God who answers to no one. Understanding seems to be everything. A lack of it, equally consequential. Questioning God is to understand Him and I believe is fine. But to question as to judge Him and His motives is something that has the potential to strip us of His blessings. As a wife, I can question God’s ordained kingdom in my marriage as the creation He has made. More specifically, why did God create me to be my husband’s helper (and all that entails, which is more than we can ever imagine)? But we are the pottery, formed at the potter’s hand. We cannot say that the way He created us is not good and we cannot inform Him in how He ought to have done things. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. Genesis 2:18-22 For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 1 Corinthians 11:8-9 For Adam was formed first, and then Eve. 1 Timothy 2:13 Who are we to talk back to God? He is creator and we are creation. Everything God does is perfect and Adam being alone (without a suitable helper) was the first of all creation that WAS NOT PERFECT. He is the supreme authority and His version of good IS GOOD. We can take it to the bank! The purpose of you and I is to complete our husbands. We as women were designed perfectly and with intention for a SPECIFIC purpose. We can run our mouths with words without knowledge, much like Job did and we do everyday. If not out loud, in our hearts. God’s response in Job chapters 38–41 should shut our mouths five minutes ago. Hosea 4:6 reiterates this truth when it says, My people perish for lack of knowledge. This lack of knowledge will be our downfall if we continue on without it. Job repented in chapter 42 verse 6 after he said these words, “Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.” Wife, we speak out loud or in our hearts everyday of things we do not understand, things too wonderful for us to know. God’s kingdom intended for our marriage is not something to be trifled with. It is wonderful and we should always be in search of wisdom as this special and most-needed role of ours. No wonder many of our marriages have been plagued by fighting and unrest! He may very well have sent us a long time ago into the land of our enemies because of our attitude towards Him, the Potter. If this is you and I, we ought to utter words of true repentance like Job did. The equivalent of a goad in our day would be nails and we kick against them every single day when we refuse God’s design and purpose for woman in marriage. I encourage you you to read the book Undercover by John Bevere, (you can find it in My Amazon Picks in the top menu or directly from Amazon. I am not an affiliate and get no kickback from your purchase)! But let me propose another question: Are we in fact persecuting His holy name when we act in such ways contrary to His kingdom? I can’t believe I am saying this for myself, but I believe the answer is yes. If we are not living our lives in direct alignment with God’s kingdom after we’ve heard His word, we are living in opposition of it. When we proclaim the name of Jesus Christ and then model blasphemous behavior, that is terrifying and we should correct that behavior immediately. I know I intend to! If God is the creator and we are the creation, then that means He is always on the side of our wellbeing. Jeremiah 29:11 says that He knows the plans He has for us and they are good. That means He would never ask anything of us in His name that isn’t good, including the foundations of our existence. Everything the creator says to us is out of love. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises every son He receives.” (Hebrews 12:6). It can be hard to hear the truth in chastisement but the truth will indeed set us free. Then live a life of true freedom from the place of our perfect and most-wonderful creation.I’m talking, faith-shaking type of struggled!
This lifestyle—one of obedience and submission to our husbands unto God alone—is anything but easy! It is HARD and goes against everything natural within us.
This is where I believe deception can also hide and it is in the place of NOT delighting ourselves in the word of truth. It isn’t just obeying God’s truth. It is loving His truth.
Searching for truth as wives
Spoiler alert! Searching for truth will be painful
I am here today to initiate a response in my heart (maybe yours as well)
What does God say to you and I as wives, the creation?
You have turned things upside down, as if the potter were regarded as clay. Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, “He did not make me”? Can the pottery say of the potter, “He has no understanding”?
Isaiah 29:16
The potter’s purpose in the pottery that makes up you and I as wives
But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to Him who formed it, “Why did You make me like this?
Romans 9:20
God was going to make the imperfect, perfect. The end result was woman—a being who could complete Adam in the union of marriage.
Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said: “Who is this who obscures My counsel by words without knowledge? Now brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall inform Me. Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding. Who fixed its measurements? Surely you know! Or who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its foundations set, or who laid its cornerstone, while the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?
Job 38:1-7
when we speak without knowledge as God’s creation, we have no understanding
It was designed by God and when we stand up hostile against it, we are standing up against God Himself.
Our unsteady wife-hearts require true knowledge and understanding. everyday we are bombarded with false teaching, false knowledge and by people who have a false understanding of what it means to be a wife today.
We all fell to the ground, and I heard a voice saying to me in Aramaic, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.’
Acts 26:14
We crazy to be causing self-afflicted pain on ourselves!
God’s chastisement is always intended in love
It is my most sincere prayer that you and I would find our right and proper place as God intended it.