Hi Wife—great to see you again!
Feel free to click the image for a short video from me—make sure to click back after the video OR open it in a new tab (its duration is 9:35) if you’d wish to finish reading this article 🙂
I met my husband online in 2012 and we dated for only a short time before getting engaged. Less than a year later in May of 2013, we got married. Overjoyed that I could finally say goodbye to the dating scene that caused so much heartache in my life, Emerson and I started our lives together blissfully happy.
Little did I know there would be a pain in the first four years of our marriage the likes of which I had never known before.
Our marriage had so much fighting in it. Maybe you can relate. Four years into my marriage (I have been married for 10), I cried out to God and He answered me. Shortly after I wrote my fist book, The Quarreling Wife detailing everything God taught me. A year after that I started this blog, and a year or so later, the podcast The Fighting Wife.
To read my full story, consider purchasing The Quarreling Wife, in which I share it in great detail. Also consider following me on Instagram @stop.the.fighting.wife where I share so much about my story.
This blog isn’t about that story though
It isn’t even about The Fighting Wife, although everything I say is from a place of intense experience of being the fighting wife and having God’s truth change my marriage into something unimaginable.
This blog is about trust.
Why trust?
Because that is what we wives want to be honest. We want our husbands to trust us, don’t we? We want them to come to us for counsel about everything that we face in our families. We want our opinion to be valued.
That is one of the main reason we fight with our husband’s, isn’t it?
We want our voice to be heard. We would love our counsel to be taken (ie, our will to be done).
But Wife, we cannot imagine to have that if we are the quarreling wife in our marriage. We cannot have that trust if we are routinely breaking it and contributing to the brokenness of our marriage by all other means. How can we possess that trust when we are not doing good for our husbands?
The Bible says in Provers 21:9 that it is better for a man to live alone than to live with a quarreling wife
It doesn’t say that our husbands would rather be anywhere other than with us when we’re fighting with them. No, it says, IT IS BETTER FOR HIM to get away from them.
God said that, I believe, because the fighting will shut their spirits down. It is as though our husbands have this firsthand knowledge from God because they are the first to run for the door when we start it. A man can live alone, in the corner of an attic in his heart, and adapt.
Beloved, what is that saying when God himself said in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him?”
But this isn’t just about your husband’s trust in him
It is also about your trust in him (which turns out to be your trust in God), WHICH IS THE BIG PICTURE HERE and why I talk so much about fear. We submit to our husbands AS UNTO GOD don’t we? At least that is the command outlined in Ephesians 5:22-23.
What happens when our husbands trust us enough to ask our opinion and then they don’t take it?
How would we respond? The tendency is to get upset isn’t it? It takes true wisdom to see that our husbands are free to lead how they see fit. Fighting typically ensues at this moment.
So you see? Trust is a BIG deal.
Wife, if you fight with your husband and experience strife in the home BUT desire this trust that I speak of—you couldn’t be in a better place!
There is so much to say—I really don’t know where else to begin but HERE!
If you embark on this journey, you will get more than you ever bargained or hoped for! I am so glad that you are here and if there is ever anything you need, please don’t hesitate to reach out 🙂
(I am on Instagram daily and would say that it really is the best way to reach me).