If you are to ever get the marriage you desire as a Christian wife, it starts with understanding kingdom ways. Understanding kingdom ways might sound complicated, but it is actually a lot easier than you think.
It starts with the word of God!
Let’s dig into the crux of kingdom ways within marriage
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:22-24
Be honest, were you a little let down upon hearing the punchline and very crux of this book? It’s a verse you’ve probably heard many times throughout your life (even marriage). It’s alright if you were! This is a safe place and being honest about the true condition of your heart is actually the the only prerequisite to learning all God wants to reveal to you.
So it didn’t do anything for you?
It didn’t do anything for me the first time I read it either, but don’t worry, we’re going to dig deeper here and a revolution really is on the horizon whether or not you felt anything. God has so much in store for your heart whether or not your feelings are involved in this process.
Let me unpack the punch of this entire book, which also just so happens to be laying the new foundation of the building called your marriage at the same time. It may go down a little bitter—remember, this is counter-cultural!
Just like demolition might have been a bit painful, so too might be the very first moments of this new foundation God is about to start laying. Just like a child experiencing and crying because of growth pains, this is going to stretch and grow your faith and don’t be surprised if it is painful as you experience what may be new concepts to you.
If this is going down harder for you then you expected, remember: This is a new concept for most women and you may need to give yourself time (maybe months) to adjust to this new way of thinking. It took me two years and it still tastes sour in my mouth at times!
Why Do I Need to Understand Kingdom Ways?
As funny as it may sound, hear me out.
Heaven itself is a kingdom. There are countless verses throughout the Bible referencing this and I have referenced a few well-known, kingdom verses below.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you—Matthew 6:33
Pray like this: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” —Matthew 6:9-13
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. —1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Open your eyes & see for the first time!
The dwelling place of God is a kingdom. Have you ever looked up the meaning of a kingdom? If not, you’re not alone, as I hadn’t either. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as,
—a politically organized community or major territorial unit having a monarchial form of government headed by a king or queen.
In a kingdom there is order—a hierarchy—a chain-of-command. Many times throughout scripture, Jesus refers to the trinity. There are countless more verses, but I have referenced a few below.
For there are three that testify: the Spirit, the water and the blood; and the three are in agreement. —1 John 5:7-8
Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. —Matthew 28:18-20
The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are one, but they are clearly different and obedient to one another. It is a mystery—one that we cannot fully grasp on this side of eternity—but the word of God says it so we can believe it as truth.
For God so love the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. —John 3:16
The son (Jesus) was obedient to His Father, but the Father also gave what was only His to give.
But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I go away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. —John 16:7
And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Advocate to be with you forever. —John 14:16
But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have told you. —John 14:26
Why obedience & submission?
The Holy Spirit (the Advocate) was obedient to the Son (Jesus) who was obedient to the Father (God).
In case there is any doubt about heaven’s chain-of-command, let me milk this topic a bit more so there isn’t any confusion. Jesus in John 5:19 answered them saying,
Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.
I can do nothing by Myself; I judge only as I hear. And my judgement is just, because I do not seek My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me. —John 5:30
For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but to do the will of Him who sent Me. —John 6:38
Even when He was about to be crucified, Jesus prayed,
Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done. —Luke 22:42
And let us not forget the most important part of a kingdom
Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, indeed everything that is in the heavens and the earth; Yours is the dominion, O LORD, and You exalt Yourself as head over all. “Both riches and honor come from You, and You rule over all, and in Your hand is power and might; and it lies in Your hand to make great and to strengthen everyone. —1 Chronicles 29:11-12
But the LORD abides forever; He has established His throne for judgement, and He will judge the world in righteousness; He will execute judgement for the peoples with equity. —Psalm 9:7-8
Then I said, “Who is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.” —Isaiah 6:5
They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom and talk of Your power; To make known to the sons of men your mighty acts and the glory of the majesty of your kingdom. Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and Your dominion endures throughout all generations. —Psalm 145:11-13
it couldn’t be clearer
Heaven is set up as a KINGDOM even by our finite definition.
—A politically organized community or major territorial unit having a monarchial form of government headed by a king or a queen.
If you would like to dig EVEN DEEPER into kingdom ways imparted to marriage, I welcome you to read A Marriage to Mirror Kingdom Ways also from The Quarreling Wife