What if I told you that your greatest enemy in your marriage is far from your husband when he doesn’t agree with you?
What if I told you that every Christian wife is driven daily by something she probably never thought to give too much thought to? It is possible that there may be enemies in your marriage such as greed, lust, envy and selfishness. But what if I told you that I know the enemy to trump all of them in your marriage? Also to blame for your sins as a wife and every single fight with your husband?
this enemy that is hiding in the shadows of your marriage, is a mastermind
There is no cause for alarm though because this enemy does have a weakness. The enemy to trump all enemies in your marriage is only victorious when you are naive to its existance. Once you know who this enemy is, you can defeat it once and for all through the power of Jesus Christ.
I know I am making bold claims here!
Could I really know the driver of of every conflict of your marriage that I know nothing about? No, I’m not psychic—it’s actually in the Bible. Maybe you know where I’m going with this because you know this enemy and master of your marriage in an intimate way.
The F Word to trump all f-words
Fear.
The biggest enemy of every God-fearing wife and I would be so bold as to say every person, man and woman, who ever walked this planet.
Fear—a state marked by an unpleasant, strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.
Fear. The leading culprit that led Eve astray all those years ago that changed the course of history.
the leading culprit of every sin for every wife
Fear is the leading culprit of sin for every Christian wife dating all the way back to Eve in the Garden of Eden. Oh yes, that sneaky serpent is still using the same tricks on us wives. You know why? Because they have worked (until now)!
You know why? Because fear is also a liar, and Christian wives have fallen for it’s lies hook, line, and sinker!
- Not listening to your husband when he said not to purchase something he deemed unwise…sin
- Going ahead and planning that get-together even though he said no…sin
- Flipping out on your husband that he is not trying hard enough to make your marriage work…sin
- Having that affair/entertaining an emotional connection that tore your marriage and family apart..sin
the enemy of your marriage wants to be your master
just as Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him lord. And you are her children if you do what is right and refuse to give way to fear.
1 Peter 3:6
If fear wants to be your master and has the ability to control you, that means that you are a slave when you submit to it.
Not listening to your husband when he said not to purchase something your husband deemed as unwise…
The motive behind such an occurrence is not believing God’s ordained way (through your husband), fearful that you are missing out on great things that you will never know if you don’t disobey…hmmm…does that one sound familiar to any of us wives? (ie Eve)
Going ahead and planning that get-together even though your husband said no…
The motive behind this event is fear yet again, this time because you don’t trust that God will sustain you with meaningful relationships despite not inviting people over for gatherings. (ie double dates, game nights with other families, inviting non-family over for the kids’ birthday parties.)
Flipping out on your husband in complete and utter rage that he is not trying hard enough to make your marriage work...
That little F word makes its debut yet again when I have feared many times that God’s promises are untrue because I don’t understand the process.
Having that affair/entertaining an emotional connection that tore your marriage and family part…
Fear would be front and center here because we feel alone and hopeless and don’t know if we will ever get our physical/emotional needs met. Our greatest enemy entertains the thought here that God doesn’t know what we need which is in fact a lie.
Do you see? It’s all fear. Give me a sin a Christian wife faces that is not linked back to fear, and I might have to reconsider all that I have come to believe.
The enemy of your marriage is a Personal Choice
But do we really need to fear? Oh, I’m glad you asked.
CERTAINLY NOT!
Did you notice that 1 Peter 3:6 uses the phrase if you do what is right and refuse to submit to fear? It indicates a certain choice in the matter. You and I do not need to bow to fear. Doing right and refusing to submit to fear means that we also have an equal choice to do what is wrong and submit to fear. Sadly many of us take part in the latter.
Do you understand? Fear (the greatest enemy in our marriage) is a personal choice and one that we need to make every day for it to have the power to control us.
The enemy of your marriage is a Highway
1 Peter 3:6 says …do what is right and refuse to give way to fear.
Fear is not only a response you and I can have towards our husband, it also is a path that we take in those moments. Down the highway of fear can be found anger, strife, unrest, and all other sorts of foul things. But what is the opposite of fear? If we are suppose to to refuse to give way to fear, then what are we suppose to accept?
ASSURANCE, CONFIDENCE, BRAVERY, FEARLESSNESS
Interesting, right?
Whenever God’s word tells us NOT to do something, there is more than one thing He is telling us—He is also telling us WHAT TO DO!
Even though He is telling us not to do/do something though, we still hold the choice to make a decision of what kind of pavement we’re going to lay.
What is the assurance, confidence, bravery and fearlessness after? Is it after ourselves? Absolutely not. I am not the creator or SUSTAINER of peace. Sure I can create my own peace but it will not be sustainable because it isn’t birthed out of The Source.
Your enemy is a Fantasy That Needs to be Entertained in order to Live
Fear, if you remember, is a strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. It is an emotion that CAN AND OFTENTIMES BE UNTRUE. Just because I anticipate danger or am aware that it exists, doesn’t mean it is true.
the way of your enemy is not God’s Way for you
If we are supposed to do what is right and refuse to submit to fear, then that must mean that doing what is right is God’s way.
There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.
Proverbs 14:12
The way the majority of women are taking that is leading to spiritual death (manifested in fighting and divorce in marriage) is the highway of fear.
Countless Christian women who:
- Are fearful that their rights will be stripped away…
- Fearful that they will get walked all over…
- Are fearful that their husbands will make poor decisions…
- Fearful that nothing will ever change unless they fight in order to control their husband’s next move.
A Christian wife can spend her entire life never getting anywhere with her husband and yelling until she is blue in the face trying to control him. Not only will this yield strife in her home, but it will sever any and all closeness she shares with her husband and yearns after. All because of this enemy, Fear.
Acting the fool because she was afraid
The Bible says in Proverbs 14:1 that the wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
We know this is true because of the divorce rate that proves it. Professed wives of faith in God can and do tear their homes to shreds and with it the future of their children.
- I can be so fearful of the dark that I actually convince myself that a monster is lurking in the shadows of my closet. No matter how strongly I believe that though, it does not make it true…
- When my husband is gone on his overnights, I can be fearful of the sounds I think I hear after I turn the lights in the house off. No matter how fearful I am though it doesn’t mean that someone broke in.
Fear is a fantasy that needs to be entertained in order to live.
According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary fantasy means the power or process of creating especially unrealistic or improbable mental images in response to psychological need. Where do mental images originate? In the mind. So too with fear…it originates and is bred in the mind!
So what are we to do?
Live by fear? Certainly not.
We need to be told that we can master it, then learn to do it like a fine art!
How to Master Your greatest enemy in 2 ways
Destroy it
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ
2 Corinthians 10:5
If fear is a liar…
then that must mean it originates from the father of lies (the devil) because wherever he is speaking, lies is the native language that is being spoken (John 8:44).
I am not talking about being afraid of heights or being fearful when your neighbors dog bolts after you, I am talking about entertaining lies that give birth to a spirit of fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us that God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love and a sound mind. If fear is not a spirit that is of God then that means we can take those thoughts and spirits captive.
Anything that God has jurisdiction over, you and I do as well!
Isn’t it interesting that we can take those thoughts captive instead of being the one who is taken captive.
continually strive to understand God’s perfect love for you
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18
The fruits of fear
When we as wives have a revelation of God’s love for us, we can say goodbye to fear forever. Of course none of us will every understand the depth of the Father’s love for us until we get to heaven, but we can catch glimpses of God’s heart when we search for Him with all of our heart (Jeremiah 29:12). When we understand God’s established government over us and His leadership in our lives through that even-imperfect government (ie our husbands), we then can understand that there is nothing to fear.
Christian wives run a huge risk when they think that their marriage that includes fighting or not has nothing to do with God. It has everything to do with God. When we trust that He is leading us in our marriage through our husband regardless of the condition of his heart, there is true and LASTING rest. Our husbands are very much mortal men, but the God holding the covenant of our marriage together is immortal and He and His ways are perfect. Understanding His perfect love for us really will drive out all fear.
As you can see, fear is a mighty big issue in marriage—I would argue the biggest. The sad truth is that most Christian wives have no idea to this insidious creature motivating the onset of every fight between a husband and a wife. If that were so, it would make sense that if you take out the motive, the fight would pretty much dissolve.
Your marriage will never be void of disagreements, but it can be free from fear. When this freedom is found, your marriage will become your greatest weapon as a wife!